ARRRGHHH!!!

These days I am obsessed with the new
http://www.blogger.com/>Ray Lemontagne album. It is different than the first, but it really grew on me. It is perfect for hot chocolate and cold days. Or, it would be better for a nice wine, but for now I'll settle for the hot chocolate.

I have been trying to link...yes, I used to be able to do this like 5 years ago, but for some reason It isn't working!!! I see the code text here but am getting nowhere. I had hoped to master this before babe arrives and my brain cells are all spent. HELP!! Blogger won't even let me leave my attempt for all to see and correct, it puts blogger.com in the link area so I am a student without a teacher.

In other news, I have one pair of pants that I like to wear these days. I can wear other things, but I like my black pants because they are so comfy and my belly is eye-poppingly enormous. Everything else is either too high or too low.
I have been a fingernail biting stressball for the last few weeks, but I am finally just relaxing and trying to make it to the finish line which actually is just the beginning. I can't wait to meet this little person!

Tonight's the Night

Should I be embarrassed that the extra spring in my step today is due to the finale of Project Runway? I'm not even that in to fashion...if looking chic were free I'd be all about it, but I seriously lack in the funds department and to put forth more than a miniscule effort is out of the question. At least until I either a. win the lottery or
b. write the great American novel
Neither seems particularly plausible since I don't buy lottery tickets and am not currently writing and can't even conceive of said novel.
Regardless, I am obsessed with Project Runway. I love watching these creative people throw together outfits and I am really excited to see their collections. I am a fan of Michael. I think he's been a bit off kilter lately, but his stuff is generally very modern and innovative. Laura and Uli are both sort of one trick ponies, but Laura is excellent in her tailoring and her fit. Jeffrey is just such an ass that I can't help but root against him but he does have a different and interesting look (his designs, not him--his hair is gag-worthy).

Tonight's diversion will be a welcome addition to the list of distractions that have been keeping me from really deciding whether or not to have a C-section or to boldy go where I have gone before and hope like hell that it has a better outcome. I won't bore with my pros and cons list, but there are enough cons on each side that I generally feel pretty crappy these days. Add to my list the general fear that I have of going into labor without a good solution of what to do with J. I have a few options but all have major contingencies and or guilt inducing side affects. Why can't there be a tranquilizer for a four year old and a daddy marsupial pouch. She could just sleep for a couple of days...kidding people! Basically I am just really tired. Tired of moving; tired of having to step outside of my shell and meet people and try to see if I click with people etc. I have a mental spaz-out when I try to tell someone my phone number...it still doesn't flow off my tongue. The other day I wrote down an address from a house we lived in 5 years ago. Yesterday, I started writing my Hawaii address--I am having a location identity crisis and the weird thing is that despite the fact that we moved not long ago from Hawaii, I had a hell of a time giving directions to a friend of mine who is going to Oahu next month. I am not fully here nor am I there.
I know, I know, poor me. There are people dying in Africa, North Korea is clearly up to no good, Iraq is a quagmire that continues to take lives and drain military families and I can't remember my phone number.
So, in the absence of any clarity on all things important, I will be popping popcorn and tuning in to see who's collection is the swankiest tonight on Bravo at 9PM.

It's the End of Her World As She Knows It...Not Sure If She's feeling fine

So I spent a good part of today creating a little decoration for Lucy's room. I am in major nesting mode...hence the chickadees, and J had her first experience of mommy being distracted by something Lucy. "What do you mean that is for Lucy's room? I want it for my room!! Guess I'll be heading back to the craft store. The trouble with crafts for me is that although I like the idea of creating and having a finished product, I am soooooooo impatient. Wait for the paint to dry? Why? I am always trying to cut corners and yet somehow it still takes me 10 times longer than it should. Do I have the patience for a nine letter name? I'm not sure. Would she learn a good lesson by not getting everything that her sister gets? Probably. Is it a battle that I'm willing to fight at this point? Ummm, no.

My Own McDreamy

Lu, the stuffed animal formally known as Kala was sick. The situation was grave. In her prime, Lu had a delightful laugh which could be heard by pressing the computerized chip in her hand. The day before yesterday my "alarm clock" was a demonic laugh from a computerized chip gone horribly wrong. I don't know how the laugh went from normal to frightening, but it was something out of a haunted house. J was holding Lu an inch away from my ear and pressing it again and again and shouting "get up mama!"

My conclusion was that the bear had lived a good life and that it was time to remember all the good times we had with Kala/Lu. Trash day is Wednesday...

My sweet husband had other plans. Yesterday I happened upon J and C huddling together in concentrated stillness. As I got closer I saw that Lu was having an operation. C had out his stethoscope and my sewing kit and was performing an excision/exorcism on the beloved bear. With the chip successfully removed and the hole sewed up, Lu was pronounced good as new but requiring some TLC. Daddy saves the day!

Decisions, Decisions

I officially have baby brain. All of those lovely little synapses that should be firing away right now are getting circumvented by inner debates over bunting bag safety in carseats (shower cap style vs. Bunting bag because coats and snowsuits are a no no!) and other such quandaries while in the back of my mind I am hearing "In my day we didn't even have carseats, we just threw you all in the back!" Lest I try to relax a bit about these decisions, I now have my mom, who has become a baby safety expert--perhaps to atone for aforementioned laissez-faire car safety in her day-- calling to make sure I know that bumper pads are now a no no (mesh is best), sippy cups are for losers (rotting teeth anyone?) and I have forgotten the 3 other major mistakes people make to mess up their kids. She means well, and truth be told, I am scouring the internet for this type of stuff too because with an almost four and a half year old, I feel a bit out of practice with the whole baby routine.

I am heading back to Babies R' Us today to return yesterdays bunting bag because although I had been reassured it was safe, and although I had decided to just get the one I liked the best and although the lady in the store said she adored hers, my husband (who has thus far remained conveniently busy during all of these decisions) said, " Couldn't that flap blow up over the baby and suffocate her?" Clearly I am taking it back for the other one.

All of this minutiae is actually a welcome diversion from the real issue in my brain, which is the fact that my little babe has decided to lay sideways instead of head down and that in addition to being wildly uncomfortable, I am worried about how this delivery will play out. Advice to moms to be: step away from the computer! When faced with the decision to google or not to google your latest prenatal issue, just say no!

So despite my brain fog, there are a few tidbits I am picking up from the outside world currently... it seems to me that we could rid the world of quite a few problems if we just threw all politicians, actors, and priests/pastors into rehab, where they go when they majorly screw up so they can address their "diseases" (namely passing the buck). Why not put them there before they slander, molest, or drive? Or maybe someone could actually take responsibility for making crappy decisions. Yes, I know there are many pastor/priests who are good and there are probably a handful of actors and perhaps a politician, but this "going to rehab" trend is getting old. Going because you get caught is different than going because you have a problem.

I don't know what is causing all these school shootings and I won't pretend to. It is very scary though and it makes me want to fly back to Hawaii to stick my head in the sand. If you've read any of my previous posts, When Feel Good Ceases to Feel Good, addresses my proclivity for mindless fluff reading after J was born and from the looks of things, I am headed for fluffville once again.

On a side note, I started this blog to get myself writing again. I have about 457 half filled or even quarter-filled journals and I thought it'd be easier to just have a place to blog. I chose a template and started writing. I am feeling a bit like the kid at school with the fake izod though. I don't know how to link to previous posts, how to make Html shortcuts, how to stray beyond my staid little template etc. So, if anyone has suggestions, resources, or remedial instructional websites, please let me know!! I will probably never have a cute, flashy blog because I am about to have a baby and therefore negotiate every trip to the bathroom with a new ruler to my universe, but perhaps some minor aesthetic improvements can be made...Suggestions?